"Smile, You're so pretty when you smile."

Yes, Telling Women to Constantly Smile is Sexist. 

Based on recent events that I've been through I would like to be an advocate on why telling women to smile is sexist and harassment. 

Now if you're reading this and your first thought is, "this is stupid," I understand why you would initially have that perspective on this weirdly specific topic. But please let me explain. 

Historically we are or should be aware of the inequality between men and women, whereas women have had to gain equal rights through voting, wearing pants, joining the workforce, breaking the glass ceiling, and well being more than just a pretty face. Because of this historical inequality women have also experienced sexism more often then men. Now, I'm not saying men cannot experience sexism because anyone can really, I'm just saying that historically women have experienced sexism more predominately than men have. The reason for this would be due to historical inequality which includes but is not limited to misogyny. 

Here are some definitions that I found on the web to clear any confusion for you;

Sexism: prejudice, stereotyping, or discrimination, typically against women on the basis of sex.

Misogyny: dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women.

Patriarchy: a system of society or government in which the father or eldest male is head of the family and descent is traced through the male line. 

Toxic Masculinity: refers to traditional cultural masculine norms that can be harmful to men, women, and society overall; this concept of toxic masculinity is not intended to demonize men or male attributes, but rather to emphasize the harmful effects of conformity to certain traditional masculine ideals.

Male Privilege: is a concept within sociology for examining social, economic, and political advantages or rights that are available to men solely on the basis of their sex. A Man's access to these benefits may vary depending on how closely they match their society's ideal masculine norm.

Feminism: The advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes.

The Power of Feminism 

Throughout my life as a modern feminist (yes that is important to say) I have come across many individuals both male and female who have come the conclusion that feminism is bad. Now I want to say these people aren't entirely wrong HOWEVER, I'm assuming they are referring to the early waves of feminism. 

The First Wave of Feminism

The first wave of feminism started around the 19th and early 20th Century in the Western World. The primary focus of this wave was to gain rights on legal issues, primarily the right to vote. This group of women fighting for these rights included moderate and conservative women as opposed to radical or revolutionary feminists. 

The Second Wave of Feminism 

The second wave of feminism started around the early 1960's and lasted about two decades. Instead of focusing on legal rights, this wave focused on quite a bit on sexuality, family, workplace, reproductive rights, domestic violence and marital rape. 

The Third Wave of Feminism 

The third wave of feminism began in the 1990's continuing until 2010's when the forth wave arrived.  This era of feminism was sort of a response to second wave feminism, dealing with violence against women, reproductive rights, reclaiming derogatory terms, sexual liberation, and a more inclusive feminism in regards to race, social class, and transgender rights. 

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So lets talk about how these waves are deemed a little problematic. Overall I would like to start out by saying the women during each of these waves used their voices for what they believed at the time was right or necessary to talk about. Obviously we cannot go back in time and change the outcome or the purpose of these movements. I would like to add that all these movements are equally important in regards to history and women however, that doesn't mean we can't analyze them. 

Each wave of feminism has received criticism. The first wave had problems because it did not offer inter-sectional perspective, gender was not yet viewed as a social construct which meant that gender roles were not thought of as sexist. During this time in history differences between men and women were focused on biological differences. These women also did not fight for woman of color or even women of a lower socioeconomic status. By failing to include various types of women, this made colonization stronger. This also meant that middle-class which women were the women deciding what was deemed an important issue and what was not. It is important to understand that first wave feminists were actually in alliance with women of color, but chose to stay silent for the sake of making sure that middle class white woman would reach progression. 

The second wave of feminism continued to alienate black working class women, as well as white women of lower status. The wave completely failed to acknowledge the struggles women of color face, and silenced or ignored by white feminists. Not only was this wave not inclusive to women of color but gay women as well. This entire movement made white middle-class women the center point to define the struggles of all women. Which of course does not really makes sense because women of color, gay women, and women in a lower class do not experience the same oppression's as the white predominately middle-class women. In a way this wave of feminism failed to go against racism, sexism and classicism. 

And of course the third wave of feminism, the one that lacked cohesion. The major issue with this movement was that there really was not a central goal. Some even see this wave as an extension of the second wave. 

Recently, 

For those of you who don't know I work in a retirement home. Something came up recently that I know is not the end of the world but made me feel like I needed to write about it. Thus the blog post of feminism was born. 

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If you know the company I work for I want to make it very clear that the views and topics discussed in this blog post are entirely my own and in no way should reflect the company. Due to HIPPA law I will not be saying where I work or the names of anyone involved because honestly that's not really the point in sharing this.

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The point I want to make is that we still live in a society that does not value women's comfort and does not acknowledge that women are far more than smiles and pretty faces. I also want to make the point that anyone can be sexist toward women. Women can do it to each other, they can even sexual harass or harass one another. 

An issue I have with working at the home is that there is a certain resident who constantly tells me to smile. I get it, I get that the point is to make my day better. Or to be sweet, or compliment how nice I look when I smile. I understand. However I find this demand to be sexist and quite honestly rude. I really do not think it is anyone's place to tell me how I should look, feel, or act. As an adult who graduated from college, I really do not need another adult to instruct me on what my face should be doing. I do feel as though that if I was a man no one would bother to consistently make the same remark to me over and over again. 

The major issue in particular is that I'm at work when this is happening. I don't know about anyone else, but when I'm typing up documents, reading schedules, writing down phone numbers, or whatever I happen to be working on I'm not smiling off into space... I'm concentrating. Being professional does not mean smiling. I can be polite, reasonable, and kind without constantly smiling. For those people out there who enjoy smiling then keep on keeping on. I'm not trying to make you feel bad about having a happy face. I'm just not one of those people. And that's okay.

I would like to point out that this is indeed sexist because I have never in my 25 years of life every heard anyone ask a male, why they weren't smiling. Just one of many double standards in the world today, when a male is sitting at his desk getting work done without smiling he is deemed professional and serious. When a female like myself does it, I look ugly and bitchy. That is some sexist stuff right there. 

I'm tired of grown men and grown women telling me to smile, because "it makes me pretty." I don't know what gave anyone the impression that I live to look "pretty" for them. That is not what I get paid to do. I do not sit at a desk all day just to look pretty at your convenience. I have things to do and projects to get done. It's not like I don't ever smile, but being demanded to smile is just sexist. 

Someone told me to smile and then pinched my butt. And the person next to me said I should be happy it wasn't a man. Whether or not you are harassed and violated by a man is beyond beside the point. My personal space was violated, and though I'm fine and all is well it made me very uncomfortable. 

All I'm saying is, don't touch people with out their consent, and don't tell someone to smile especially when they are at work and very busy.

Unreported 

A lot of sexual assault/harassment often goes unreported. I think that both men and women who are victims of assault or harassment believe that nothing will truly happen, or it could in some way cause retaliation against them - especially in the work place. 

I personally have reported things I saw or heard because the person they were happening to would not and did not want to get in trouble for it. 

Sexual Harassment is illegal. Retaliation is also illegal. If you report it at work, your employer cannot ignore it or retaliate against you. We all have the right to to work in a safe environment without discrimination, and the right to be informed on policies regarding sexual harassment. 

If under any circumstance something happens to you that makes you uncomfortable, PLEASE find the strength to report. Always report. 

For a detailed list of what to do if you experience sexual harassment in the work place there is a link below that will give all the information you need:

https://www.equalrights.org/issue/economic-workplace-equality/sexual-harassment/ 

People ask why feminism is important

I cannot stress enough that there are so many reasons beyond the topic I'm focusing on that makes feminism crucial to our society today. 

Feminism is important because my body belongs to me. I do not need to smile in order to make you comfortable. I do not need to smile because it makes me look pretty. I do not owe you anything. You do not owe anyone anything either. I get that people think that "smiling" is so harmless, but truthfully it's the principal of it all. The expectation and double standards for women are very much alive today, and though I do believe that we are progressing towards a feminist society there is so many people out there men and women who do not grasp why something so simplistic is still so sexist.

Feminism is not just for women, which is a huge misconception. Feminism fully supports equality regardless of gender identity. All genders should be valid through feminism, meaning we want to create a world where anyone can report sexual assault/harassment and it being taken seriously. That no, men are not the only people capable of committing sexual assault. Yes, men can be victims as well.

I think people who find feminism to be a waste of time must not understand the effects of gender ideologies and the roles that have been placed on the binary genders that truly allow people to act in certain ways because it goes against the ideal. The person I immediately told about a female pinching me said I should be happy it wasn't a man- because sexual assault is usually something men face charges for. In addition I myself am a woman so clearly if a man violated me it would be more serious. These kinds of conclusions that come to our minds are based off the fact that we as a society are conditioned to think about genders in different ways. When the reality of it is that a person made me feel uncomfortable - so really their gender is not a factor of the situation what-so-ever. Anyone is capable of assault or harassment, it is not exclusive to one gender or the other.

If you believe in social, political, and economic equality for all people then well that would make you a feminist.

Feminism started with women, it is still for women. 

Feminism is not limited to just women, it's inclusive. 

Everyone should be a feminist.