I'm so tired of feeling suicidal.
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I've lived with Suicidal Ideation for most of my life. I have suicidal thoughts because I have an unhealthy fixation on my own death. I also use these thoughts as an unhealthy coping mechanism when life is overwhelming. I don't think it's abnormal- just well... unhealthy.
Am I going to act upon these thoughts? No I have no intention of doing so, however it's not like I haven't planned out thousands of ways to go about doing so.
Like I said, it's unhealthy.
I'm not going to sit here and be ashamed of how I feel and how I cope with life. And neither should you. Depression is actually fairly common amongst young generations. We don't need to be ashamed of how we feel. We need to talk about it. We need to open up.
When I talk to my therapist about my thoughts, a weight lifts off of my shoulders. Of course it's terrifying to admit to suicidal thoughts, it's embarrassing even. It almost feels like a saying a curse word out loud. But hiding how you feel, hiding how you cope with your mental health, feeling ashamed of yourself, it's only going to make it worse.
No I'm not saying we need to open up to every single person in our life and let them know about our deepest darkest secrets. But maybe it's time to find someone you trust. Maybe it's time for therapy?
The awful thing about suicidal ideation is that though intentions of committing suicide are not relevant, it is possible for those thoughts to lead to action.
Unfortunately I'm not the only person who deals with this. I'm not the only person who feels this way. Who tackles this dilemma inside my brain. Please don't be afraid of seeking help.
Opening up will set you free.
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